Category: Joke Board
It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standingat the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died." The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment
but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips.
I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony
and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died."
St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.
He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th
floor apartement when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and
started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"
St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.
"Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line.
"OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."
Three men die and go to heaven. At the gate St. Peter tells them, "Before you go into heaven, we are going to give you each a vehicle with which to get
around. The way we determine what type of vehicle you will get is by how faithful you were to your wives. Now," he says, turning to the first man, "were
you true to your wife?"
"Yes, I was, St. Peter," says the first man. "I never strayed. From the day I married her to the day I died, I slept with no woman other than my wife. I
loved her very deeply."
"As reward for your complete fidelity," says St. Peter, "I now give you these keys to a beautiful Roll-Royce."
The man happily accepts the keys, and St. Peter turns to the second man. "Sir," he says, "were you faithful to you wife?"
Well, St. Peter," says the second man a little shyly, "I must admit that when I was much younger, I did stray once or twice. But I did love my wife very
much, and after those minor indiscretions, I was completely faithful until my dying day.” St. Peter looks down at the man and says, "As a reward for good marital conduct, I am giving you these keys to a Pontiac." As the man takes the keys from his St. Peter turns to the third man. "Sir," he says, "were you faithful to you wife?"
"St. Peter," says the man, "I screwed everything I could, every chance I got. There wasn't a week of my marriage that I didn't sleep with someone other
than, wife. But I must admit to you, St. Peter, that it was a problem I had, because I really did love my wife very much." "Well," says St. Peter, "we do know that you did love your wife and that does count for something, so this is what you get." With that he rolls out a ten-speed bicycle and gives it to the man. The gates of heaven open, and the three men enter
Sometime later the man on the bicycle is riding along, when he sees that the man with the Rolls Royce has pulled over and is sitting on the bumper of his
car. He is sobbing uncontrollably. The man pulls his bicycle up next to the man and says, "Hey, pal, what's the matter? What could possibility be wrong?
You have a beautiful Rolls Royce to drive arround in?"
"I know," say the man through his sobs, "but I just saw my wife on roller skates!"
Henry Ford died and went to heaven. At the gates, an angel told Ford, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your invention-the assembly line-changed the world. As a reward, you can hangout with anyone you want to in Heaven."
Ford thinks about it and says, "I want to hang out with God Himself." The be-feathered fellow at the Gates took Ford to the Throne Room and introduced him to God. Ford then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of Woman?" God said, "Ah, yes." "Well," said Ford, "you have some major design flaws in your invention: 1. there's too much front end protrusion 2. it chatters at high speeds 3. maintenance is very costly 4. it constantly needs repainting and refinishing 5. it is out of commission 5 or 6 of every 28 days 6. the rear end wobbles too much, and
7. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust." "Hmmm," replied God, "hold on." God went to the Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few keystrokes, and waited for the results. The computer printed out
a slip of paper. "It may be that my invention is flawed," God replied to Henry Ford, "but according to statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours!"
lol
all very hilarious.
lol, love them all!